4 A's: Acknowledge, Allow, Accept, Appreciate¶

The 4 A's is a great progressive model for consciously processing any topic.

Acknowledge¶

Whatever we find when attuning, we can start by acknowledging the plain thoughts and sensations. We are indeed experiencing just what we're experiencing, whether we like it or not.

If we feel inclined to deny or avoid what we find, we can shift our focus to the resistance itself. Can we acknowledge the feelings of resistance, constriction, and denial? Can we acknowledge when we're avoiding something? We can continue through all 4 A's for the avoidance itself before then going back through the process focusing on the topic we had been avoiding.

Allow¶

We might acknowledge something but still want to stop or change it. Relaxing and releasing that pressure means we allow things to be as they are. We can allow something even when we don't like it or prefer it. Even when we do not feel fully okay about something, can we release the idea that we or anyone/anything else must intervene? Sure, intervention might still be appropriate and healthy, but are we willing to let it be for now anyway?

If we feel unwilling to allow something, we can begin again with the 4 A's but focusing on our rejection of the thing. When we get all the way to appreciation for the rejection itself, then we can then go back to the original topic and decide whether to go ahead with intervening or to relax our rejection and create space for allowance.

Accept¶

Even after allowing, we can still wish for things to be different. Releasing that pressure leads to accepting the experiences more deeply. We might find acceptance through seeing how everything is interconnected, that the whole of experience is the way it is, that the alternative situations we imagine are themselves only thoughts within experience as it is.

When we see good and bad judgments as just more thoughts, we can hold them more lightly and even release them. Acceptance shows up when we more fully release constrictions. Acceptance can mean being at peace with the situation.

Appreciate¶

Appreciation goes beyond even acceptance. Can we feel gratitude for our experience, even including the aspects we felt most constricted towards?

We could consider what healthy outcomes the experience might bring. We could see how the different parts of the situation are doing the best they can and find appreciation for that. We can consider the constrictive feelings and how they protect us and how those feelings indicate caring about the issues — and we can appreciate that. We can feel grateful to feel pain when injured, to feel sad for a loss, to feel angry about a violation, to feel scared of some danger.

When we repeat the process for the overall topic, can we achieve appreciation for an injury, a loss, a violation, or a danger? This work can be profound and challenging. Appreciating harmful, hurtful experiences is not easy, and we might not get there. Again, we can start by acknowledging, allowing, accepting, and appreciating our resistance, our unwillingness to appreciate a painful experience. Then, just maybe, we might shift to relaxing that resistance and appreciating the whole experience, though it may take a lot of processing.

None of this suggests that unhealthy experiences are healthy or that appreciation is a correct or better perspective than resistance. We can still explore these perspectives and gain the deepest insights from seeing things from many angles. When we find sincere appreciation, we can review what that perspective offers.